and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
