oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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