you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize