It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
