I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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