Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
