ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
