Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
