Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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