It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
