Well apparently he's into motor boating.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
