is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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