mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
