did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
