I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
