I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
