I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
