It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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