I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
