Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
