"it" just moved
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
