Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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