I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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