If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
