I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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