it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
