you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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