He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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