I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
