the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize