he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
