half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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