good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
