Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
