Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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