Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
