I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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