wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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