she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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