What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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