I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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