So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
