if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
