Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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