i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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