I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
