paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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