I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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