Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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