Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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