i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
