He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
