Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
