Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need a beard to bite.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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