Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
is it fun? or sober?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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