So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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