the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
