If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
