Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have fence marks all over my body
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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