I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize