Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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