I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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