I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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