Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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