I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
