there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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