it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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