my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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