vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
