we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
