cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
