Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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