just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
