with your own penis?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
